The Words shared by My Parent Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the reality quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now better used to addressing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger inability to open up among men, who often hold onto damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a pause - spending a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor choices" when younger to change how he felt, turning in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."